What Alcohol Did For Me by Shane Bear Heels
Posted on Mar 28, 2009 by
Sherry LucasShane Bear Heels Story from Rosebud ReservationHello my name is Shane Bear Heels, I am 40 years old. I want to share with you what alcohol has done for me. I know you've probably heard or know of someone who has been involved in a car accident that was killed or injured. I am very thankful that I wasn't killed because of drinking & driving. You don't realize what you have until you lose it believe me. We all take the simple things in life for granted until we lose them, whether it's a body function or a loved one.
Alcohol has definitely changed my life. It has left me as a quadriplegic confined to this wheelchair. I don't want any of you to pity me. Don?t feel sorry for me. I want you to understand that this could also happen to you when you decide to drink & drive or ride with someone who has been drinking. Take a good look at me and imagine yourself in this situation. Imagine not being able to move, imagine your face, itching or you need to blow your nose and you can't. When you have an itch and can't itch it that itch turns into a pain and starts to hurt.
I grew up in Black Pipe, I was 10 years old and in the fifth grade the first time I got drunk
When I was 11 years old, I got drunk, six or seven times that year
When I was 12 years old, I was drinking with adults who were 20 years older then me
When I was 13 years old I was drinking. Every weekend, when I would drink, I would drink to get totally intoxicated and blanking out. I would always manage to accomplish this
When I was 14 years old my drinking got worse. I was getting drunk a couple of times during the week not including the week-end's. My alcohol tolerance was very high, I was able to drink all night and I wouldn't have a hang over the next day.
By the time I was 15 years old, I was an alcoholic. I started going to school drunk. I was always looking for a way to get drunk
When I was 16 years old, I started pawning my guns and tools I had. I experienced my first night in jail and thought of it as a joke
When I was 17 years old I started getting suspended from school and I never applied myself. I would always have my classmates do my homework
When I was 18 years old, I managed to graduate. Sometimes I think I graduated because the school got tired of putting up with me because I didn't learn anything. Believe me. I'm paying the price having to learn all the things now that I should have learned in H. S.
When I was 19 years old I went to vocational school for a diesel mechanic, my life was nothing but a party
When I was 20 years old I graduated from vocational school. I had a job opportunity, but turned it down and moved back home. I started selling drugs and carrying guns. Before long I assaulted a tribal police officer, and received 81 months in prison. That was the first-time I went a weekend without getting drunk since I was 13 years old.
When I was in prison, I went to school for an electrician when I got out of prison, received my electrical journeyman's license I was living in Rapid City. I was on probation for two years. My first year, I was able to stay sober but my second-year I started drinking again. I came back to drink on the reservation and received my first DWI. I managed to get out of it because of the jurisdiction. I was stopped on tribal land, and had the DWI thrown out. My probation officer had me attend an outpatient alcoholic treatment program. Four months after I had gotten out of treatment, I was drinking yet again and ran into a house and received another DWI. This time, I had to go to inpatient alcohol treatment program stay out of prison. Two months later I got out of treatment. I was released from probation. Then once again Six months later, I was drinking on the reservation and received another DWI. This one was tribal.
While I was off probation still living in Rapid City, my boss made me a foreman and had me go do the electrical on prairie winds casino. One day, I decided to stop in Orics and started drinking I wrecked the company vehicle and received another DWI I wasn't fired surprisingly. My boss wouldn't give me a raise because of this so I quit. That was the best job I ever had.
I moved back to the reservation and got into trouble again. Being through the system I understood how to manipulate the system. While I was in jail I went to treatment to get out of jail. I ended up going back to prison for 10 months with three years probation. When I got out of prison, I was on probation. I received another DWI on the reservation. I went to treatment to get out of going back to prison. This was my fourth time in treatment. My probation officer sent me too Mitchell detox center, where I ended up living until my car accident, which would change my whole life for the worst.
One night, I was drinking and decided to come back to the reservation. I made it 10 miles south of Murdo. When I wrecked and broke my neck. I had then received my 3rd DWI. Since I broke my neck that would confined me, they didn't prosecute me.
From 1995 to 2000, in five years I had 2 tribal DWIs 3 state DWIs not including 1 state DWI that I got out of. I was in treatment 4 times and I never realized I had a problem. It took me being placed in this wheelchair to finally realize I had a problem. I will never drink again. Being able to see what alcohol has taken away from me. I couldn't understand then with all the times I was in treatment why it never sunk in. I realize now what I was missing. I believe we all have to have a balance in life. I didn't have that balance. I was missing spirituality in my life. Without, it wasn't allowing me to focus and I turned to alcohol for that balance. It doesn't matter what spirituality you choose, whether it's Wakantanka or Jesus you need spirituality in your life to have that balance.
The hardest thing for me is how my life has effected my son. I grew up without a father. I have always said that if I have children, I was going to take care of them. They were going to have a father. My son was 10 months old when I was in my car accident. Now I can't be the father that I never had. The hardest thing I have ever experienced was when my son 3 years old and he threw a ball at me hitting me. My son came over grabbed my hands and moved them wanting me to catch the ball and I couldn't. Then just recently my son asked me where I had wrecked and I told him. He then asked why I had wrecked. This was very hard. I told him I was stupid I had been drinking and driving. He told me he wished I wasn't stupid so he could live with me. He told me he wasn't going to be stupid?.. This was heart wrenching to me. My son David is my whole life.
Living with the elders has taught me alot about life in general. I thought I had experience and been through it all .But when I listen to some of the stories these elders tell me, I'm amazed what some of them been through. I realize I haven't experienced half of what some of them have. One day I had passed by a couple of the elders sitting outside and I said hello. I parked a little ways past them within hearing distance. I could hear them talking and one of them had asked the other who I was. This was when the other elder was telling him all about me. I was surprised that he knew who I was. This elder knew where I had wrecked and that I broken my neck and that I used to be an electrician. He told the other elder if he ever had a problem with any of the staff to tell me and I would go talk to them. I was very surprised at hearing this but at the same time very honored at their respect and trust.
I have a whole new outlook for the elders I live with. It's very hard at times getting close, and seeing them pass on to the spirit world. My son, the elders, and high school student's that work at the nursing home give me a reason to continue living. I fight for the elders rights. I also try and explain right from wrong from the bad choices I have made in life to others so they may see and hear how my bad choices has effected my life and how it can change theirs forever.
I had everything and alcohol took it all away from me. I went from making $800 a week to getting $800 a month and only allowed to keep $60 out of that to help support my son. I live in a nursing home. Not because I want to but because I have to. I don't have family members capable of taking care of me, because I require total care. Just to get by day by day.
Could you imagine yourself being in my situation having to be dressed, washed and bathed by someone? Having to carry a bag around with you to urinate, having to take a suppository to have a bowel movement. That is again what I have to thank for drinking and driving.
Remember, I didn't plan to wreck. I never thought I would be in the condition I am now. All I can say about my situation is I'm very thankful I didn't cause any one else injuries or take a life.
Remember some of you will drink and drive and when you do, think about what I have told you here today.
Just remember many of you aren?t strong enough to live life as I do, believe me. Nothing comes easy being in my condition. I take two steps backwards before I can even take one step forward. Nothing comes easy for me with the choices I had regretfully made.
Thank you for listening to me. I hope I never see any of you in my situation the choice is yours?.. Please Don't Drink & Drive.